I want it NOW!
Yesterday I was thinking about all the Lord has given me in my sobriety. This morning I realized I was suppose to write something about it! I remember, in my early recovery, how I wanted everything “now”. Trust from my family and friends, a good job, a motorcycle, and the list goes on. I thought, “I’ve been sober for a month. I’ve decided I’m not going back to that life. So why doesn’t everyone trust me?”
I’ve come to realize that I didn’t lose that trust in a month, I didn’t lose those things over night. What lost the trust and the stuff were many, many, many bad choices. One bad choice after another for years.
I see other people who are very prosperous and “have it made”. I’m tempted to be jealous but when I consider the truth I realize they’ve made good choices, one after another, for a long period of time. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that anyone is any better than anyone else. We’re all human and we all have problems. Money doesn’t create happiness. However, let’s face it, money can make life more comfortable and less stressful but even then, that’s right, it depends on choices. I’m saying that our choices dictate our lives. Not bad luck ……..bad choices!
(40 days sober)
Likewise, one good choice doesn’t turn our lives around after years of bad choices. I remember being so hurt one time when my father was worried I was using after I’d been sober for 3 months. I was devastated that he didn’t have complete trust. After all I had been making smarter choices for 3 months! Then one day it hit me. Wow, how could he trust me. I lied, stole, and manipulated him for over 6 years during my crack addiction. It didn’t take months to ruin the trust it took years. At that point I decided that I would continue to make smarter choices for the rest of my life.
The trust from my family returned. In fact, after making the smartest choice of my life, to follow Christ and to continue in the process of recovery, learning to live life His way, it became much easier to make smart choices. You see, before the choice to accept Christ what I thought were smart choices often weren’t too smart.
Today I have a springboard in which I can check my choices. I still make mistakes. But even though I make a bad choice today I don’t continue in a series of them. One good choice after another, for years, has led to a life I never could have imagined.
I heard Joyce Meyers say it like this one time, “it may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. It make take longer than you ever imagined but good choices, one after another, always, always, always pay off.”
I’m satisfied with the life I have today and I’m looking forward to a better tomorrow…. Because I’m gonna continue to make smart choices. One of which is my commitment to the “process” of recovery which brings me closer to the Cross daily.